God's word repeatedly emphasizes people's freedom to choose. The decision to follow Christ was not forced upon us, it was offered to us as a free gift - a choice. How many times have we taken advantage of this principle, and chosen to oppose God's plan? Try and place yourself in God's shoes for a moment. Can you even really imagine the frustration He must have with "difficult people?"
As Americans, we love to leverage our "right to choose." Often we use this cop-out about the time someone wants us to do something that WE don't want to do. If you have ever been in ministry or a place of management, I can guarantee you have gone home at night steaming over "difficult people." So, if people have a free will, and a legal right to choose, then how do we deal with difficult people?
- Be motivated by peace. This principle can be found in Scripture in places like Hebrews 12:14 and Romans 12:18. The Word requires that we pursue peace will all men as much as is possible. Hebrews reminds us that without the pursuit of peace, no one will see the Lord. I do not believe the author is just referencing lost people! Often those who disrupt the peace are distant in their relationship with the Lord, making them selfish.
- Be a servant of peace. Have you ever known someone who just could not be at peace unless EVERYTHING was going his or her way? We could probably describe this person as always having to be right, always having to be the center of attention, or having a flair for the dramatic. Right now a person has popped into your brain, and you are racking your brain trying to come up with a solution to their peace problem. Let me put your mind at ease. YOU CAN'T! What can you do? You can follow the principle of Philippians 2:3-4, humble yourself, and put their best interests in mind...keeping in mind that they need Jesus.
- Live at peace. OK, you see the value of peace, and you're doing your dead-level best to put their best interests in mind, but they have played your good heart and sought control of your life....it happens. Romans 16:17 tells us to mark those who cause divisions and offenses, and Proverbs 22:3 states that a prudent man foresees evil and hides himself. My mind goes back to the story of Joseph. After Potiphar's wife had caused so many problems, there came a time when he just had to avoid her and hide himself. If you are like me, you really want to "fix" the problem in someone else's heart by playing the Holy Spirit. But, if your difficult person will not respond to reason, you just have to avoid them. Sometimes that hurts...but if we are to live at peace, we cannot allow our lives and hearts to be manipulated by those who do not.
- Communicating peace isn't always vocal. The person you have had to separate from now wants to be heard. Some have their mind made up that their opinion and perception of you is right no matter what anyone says. They honestly believe THEY are the victim of your actions. Proverbs 26:4-5 warns us not to answer a fool according to his folly. This really plays off the above principle, but friend, there does come a time when there is nothing else you can say or do.
- Find peace within. Psalm 119:165 says it best. "Great peace have those who love Your law, and nothing shall offend them." This passage speaks to both sides of the conflict. To you, the one who is struggling to MAKE peace, stop and realize that YOU cannot. Peace comes from God. Focus your love and attention on HIM, and He will help calm the storm within you. Often our hearts cry in desperation " I JUST CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" It is in that moment that we must stand still, and let God move. He will fight our battles way more effectively than we ever could. Stop worrying over something you cannot change.
Dear friend, you may be the person that others are reaching out to. Many have tried to make peace with you, many have offered great personal sacrifice just to make your life easier, yet you sit in denial as peacemakers fight to keep your relationship alive. Maybe you have even gone so far as to turn other people against those who make peace, because as you've heard "misery loves company." Let me remind you that GREAT peace have those who love God's law, and nothing will offend them. Turn your focus off of YOU for a second, put everyone else's interests ahead of yours, and watch unity in Christ miraculously take place. Peace in, and peace out.
Leadership, With Something At Stake
Leadership continues to fascinate my mind, and captivate much of my energy. Everyone is gifted and wired differently where some are leaders, and some naturally follow. I can remember a very prideful youth pastor speaking to me once when I was about 12 years of age who informed me, "There are only two types of teenagers: Stupid ones, and Cowards." What he meant was, there were those who would do anything if dared, and those who were too scared to try, so they talked other people into doing their dirty work. While I believe this concept can be accurate to a point...I disagree with limiting this generation to stupidity and cowardliness. Today, I owe that youth pastor a huge thank you. While his statement did eat at me, it challenged my perception and probably is responsible for where I am today.
I grew up living with, and listening to the lectures and messages of my great-grandpa, and grandfather who were at the helm of one of the fastest growing churches in Indianapolis. Whether or not they intentionally did this, I don't know...but they exposed me to different levels of leadership beginning at a very early age. This developed the art of communication, and specifically clarity in my personality, presence, and conversation. After realizing the effect that my confidence had on others, I began to abuse that power. With only a few simple words backed with confidence, I remember talking classmates into several of my different schemes. I remember collecting lost calculators and informing kids that it was more cost effective and responsible for them to lease these items from me, rather than ask their parents to purchase them one.
After witnessing these traits, one very influential leader in my life took me under his wing. The school's athletic director, and Varsity basketball coach decided I was his project. He took me everywhere, we did everything together, he even discussed school decisions with me as if he valued my input. I could spend hours wading through the countless lessons I learned, but one really sticks out in my mind. When the basketball team would fall behind, he would be up on his feet. His face would turn dark red as he communicated his strategy to the players on the court. When the team would win, he would cry. When the team would lose, sorry and sometimes anger would overtake him. I can remember thinking, "WHY?! This is just a game!" But as I examine the most influential leader my high-school ever had....I realize that as he led, he led as if HE had something at stake in those games.
If I were to get Matt Philbrick on the court, there's a good chance I could out-run him, and possibly even outshoot him. He is not the best basketball player in the world. Many of his past team-members could easily take him. His skill in the area he was coaching was not the most important part. So, if the captain of the team possessed more skill than coach himself, why did he listen to the coach? I mean, the coach couldn't even really get out and DEMONSTRATE what he wanted!
Matt knew that in the uncertainty of a game, it was his job to clearly articulate every single move. Where would those moves take the team? Honestly, we had no idea. What we did know is that Matt was going to be crystal clear in every instruction. He had to be clear, because HE was owning the win. To Matt, this wasn't just a game....in that moment, it was life.
Dear Leader, if we are ever going to take our youth groups to the next level, we must clarify and own the win. I want my students to know that when they fail, I feel it. Likewise, when they win, it is as if I was right there with them! When they are going through uncertain times in their lives, I must clearly articulate the Word to provide them with a definite play to take. My students aren't cowards and idiots; They are leaders and followers, and as the leader entrusted to those kids, I want to own the win. I'm tired of discussing "if" my students live for Christ, and I'm ready to discuss HOW. It begins today.
I grew up living with, and listening to the lectures and messages of my great-grandpa, and grandfather who were at the helm of one of the fastest growing churches in Indianapolis. Whether or not they intentionally did this, I don't know...but they exposed me to different levels of leadership beginning at a very early age. This developed the art of communication, and specifically clarity in my personality, presence, and conversation. After realizing the effect that my confidence had on others, I began to abuse that power. With only a few simple words backed with confidence, I remember talking classmates into several of my different schemes. I remember collecting lost calculators and informing kids that it was more cost effective and responsible for them to lease these items from me, rather than ask their parents to purchase them one.
After witnessing these traits, one very influential leader in my life took me under his wing. The school's athletic director, and Varsity basketball coach decided I was his project. He took me everywhere, we did everything together, he even discussed school decisions with me as if he valued my input. I could spend hours wading through the countless lessons I learned, but one really sticks out in my mind. When the basketball team would fall behind, he would be up on his feet. His face would turn dark red as he communicated his strategy to the players on the court. When the team would win, he would cry. When the team would lose, sorry and sometimes anger would overtake him. I can remember thinking, "WHY?! This is just a game!" But as I examine the most influential leader my high-school ever had....I realize that as he led, he led as if HE had something at stake in those games.
If I were to get Matt Philbrick on the court, there's a good chance I could out-run him, and possibly even outshoot him. He is not the best basketball player in the world. Many of his past team-members could easily take him. His skill in the area he was coaching was not the most important part. So, if the captain of the team possessed more skill than coach himself, why did he listen to the coach? I mean, the coach couldn't even really get out and DEMONSTRATE what he wanted!
Matt knew that in the uncertainty of a game, it was his job to clearly articulate every single move. Where would those moves take the team? Honestly, we had no idea. What we did know is that Matt was going to be crystal clear in every instruction. He had to be clear, because HE was owning the win. To Matt, this wasn't just a game....in that moment, it was life.
Dear Leader, if we are ever going to take our youth groups to the next level, we must clarify and own the win. I want my students to know that when they fail, I feel it. Likewise, when they win, it is as if I was right there with them! When they are going through uncertain times in their lives, I must clearly articulate the Word to provide them with a definite play to take. My students aren't cowards and idiots; They are leaders and followers, and as the leader entrusted to those kids, I want to own the win. I'm tired of discussing "if" my students live for Christ, and I'm ready to discuss HOW. It begins today.
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