The last several years have held many changes for me, some for the better and some the worse. But before I can expound, you'll need to know a little background. I spent from age 8 to 17 in a ministry home where a double standard was the norm. The things taught and presented from the pulpit were seldom lived out day to day. Deception was modeled and taught. And though deception seemed the key to temporary survival, it was the ultimate weapon of destruction in the lives of many, including myself. At age 17, my world dramatically shifted, and I did not know how to handle it. Those that attempted to speak wisdom into my life were shut out, and much like the prodigal, I ran. The next several stops along the map would hold undeserved opportunity and great life experience, but the remaining loose ends would haunt my every decision. I did not leave well, therefore I could not live well.
I believe all sin is rooted in pride and/or addiction. It seems that each individual has at least one sinful weakness they play to, and as an addiction is developed, the sinner is conditioned and hardened toward that sin. Dear friend, BE CAREFUL how many times you shut the Holy Spirit out, because even Christians can harden past His prompting. Pride tells us that we are invincible. "I've got this! I can handle it! I'll stop anytime I want." Oh the lies we believe. I found myself inching, stepping, then striding into places I should never even have thought about. Thank God for his grace that put the brakes on. To run from God is to navigate darkness. Pride clouds our vision, addiction fuels our vehicle, and the wreck is now impending.
Dear reader, I don't care what your addiction is, you cannot go at it alone. You need help. Please listen as this voice of experience speaks into your life....you desperately need to surrender your authority, throw yourself at the mercy of God, work through the consequences, and move on. Daniel 1:8 tells us that he "purposed in his heart." Prior to the temptation, he had already decided. He had a strategy. So if you are like me and your addiction revolves around the internet in any way, allow me to introduce a tool that saved my life.
This online accountability software is free for one device, and inexpensive for multiple. It blocks undesirable content, and tracks your every move. Each week a report of your time and usage is emailed to your accountability partner. This removes the opportunity for you to manipulate the truth in any way. If you currently struggle, you can stop cold-turkey today. Whether the internet consumes too much of your time, or you find your eyes drifting in an bad direction - this is for you.
If deception is the shroud that covers your addiction, find an environment where you cannot hide. Remove yourself from the opportunities, and seek counsel. God is not done with you. Be encouraged that he works ALL THINGS together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.
To those who I have hurt along the way, you have my deepest apology. I was so full of me, that I could not be filled with Him. I thank the few of you who have loved me along the way, and helped point me in the right direction. Even if it was not appreciated at the time, you saved my life. To the men, especially the countless in ministry who have shared with me of their similar battle....it's time to purpose in your heart, and get on The Watch.
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