Over the next couple weeks we are going to dive into a family series of sorts. We are going to "get real" and address some of the recurring issues that do not seem to be dissipating with time. By dissecting the problems and defining the participants we will have an opportunity to correct our course for growth as children, parents, pastors, and leaders. You won't want to miss a segment in this series.
It is so commonly overused it is more than cliché at this point..., it's just crazy. I can remember hearing it used in my pre-teen years and thinking to myself, "I will never say that." But then, something truly does shift with time, and before long these words glided across my lips as if they were a standard rehearsed response. "My parents just don't understand me."
You've heard it right? You have probably even said it. No matter how young or old you are, the thought that your situation surpassed your parent's understanding has definitely crossed your mind at least once. Well, friend, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that YOU'RE RIGHT! Your parents do not have an earthly idea what you are going through, and it is absolutely impossible for them to relate to at this point.
As culture continually evolves, everything changes. While sin remains sin, the access and advertisement of the same is drastically more enhanced. Things once regarded as distant anomalies are now slapped in the face of students via media and government issued education. If you are parenting a teenager right now you can remember back to a day without social media, cell-phone access, and drug scares. Call to memory the age at which topics such as homosexuality become a reality for you and contrast that to the conscience-appeasing, sin-driven programming our juveniles ingest. This is a crazy world, and it is much different than the generation that is raising it now. And if everything stays the same, the phrase "my parents just don't understand" will continue to be true.
Ready for the bad news? If you have ever spoken that phrase, the reality is: That's your fault.
To "understand" is to interpret, grasp, or be thoroughly familiar with. This state of being or regard for a situation from which one's self is removed can only be attained as information is firmly communicated. It's like this...imagine driving around that battery operated car your parents got you when you were 8, then showing up at the DMV and expecting to ace the driving test. Sure, the basics are very similar, the application is altogether different. How do we learn to drive? We watch. We listen. We attend driver's education classes. The facts are communicated, then rudimentary knowledge is applied on a higher level.
Maybe a poor illustration, but the point is that if you truly want your parents to understand your problem, you will have to work on the following:
1. Take Time
Whether your parents are unapproachable, or you are guilty of shutting them out, one thing is for sure; You are going to have to be the one to talk. What have you been feeling? Why? What things has God been working on in your life? Where do you struggle? What makes you happy? Ultimately, what makes you, you? Yes, some of these things are extremely personal; but imagine your parent's surprise when you communicate without being interrogated. If you want to be asked less questions, preemptively take the time to give the answers.
2. Make Time
Social Media has provided an outlet for both over and under-communication. People toss out the personal details of their life over the internet like it's everyone's business, yet retreat into a hermitage of insecurity in real-life encounters. Rather than subliminally message your parents via Facebook or the twitter/instagram account they don't have, take those thoughts and frustrations to them directly. When something good happens, share that moment in the moment with those you love FIRST. And when faced with a frustration, handle it responsibly by communicating calmly with the offender. Don't replace your family with Facebook. Make communication a priority.
3. Save Time
You cannot claim the role of a victim when you have not allowed your parents the opportunity to understand. How could they? It's a vicious cycle of they ask questions > you get mad > they don't ask > you don't tell > they attempt to speak into your life > you get frustrated because they don't have all the relevant information > "you just don't understand me" > so they start asking questions again.... It is so easy to slip back into this cycle with the busyness of life. This relationship you are making will take time to create and keep. Yet, in the long run saves the time most family units spend repairing damaged relationships.
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